She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
