Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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