I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
