just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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