It's like God shit irony all over that family
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
