i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
