On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
