We're like a lot better than the average bears
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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