If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.