whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
