First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
