There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
