you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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