I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
