i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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