Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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