hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
