Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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