There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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