If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize