I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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