the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
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I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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