we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
