He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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