It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
