Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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