i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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