Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
