he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
