Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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