All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
