i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
