While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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