And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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