so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
