I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
