either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just invented taco cereal.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
