I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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