His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
