im drinking this country out of the recession.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
