I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
