I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
