a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is the high leading the old right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
