...so i touched it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
