shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
