you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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