I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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