I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
