That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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