So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
