i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
