There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk is not a location!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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