i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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