I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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