my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
