Cold hands, warm shart.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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