And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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