Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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