i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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