Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
