my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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