dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
