Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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