She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
These tits shall not be calmed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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