Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
did i walk over a car last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
