he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
