you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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