I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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