He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize