One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
