The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
