i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
