dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
