508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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