i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She said her name was "party"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
