Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
