I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
