I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
