Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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