I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
